


Whatever this is

by katadelrio



Category: Euphoria (TV 2019)
Genre: Anxiety, Best Friends, Crying, Drug Addiction, F/F, Falling In Love, Insecurity, LGBTQ Female Character, Overthinking, Protective Siblings, Sexuality Crisis, Sisters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:07:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22507552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katadelrio/pseuds/katadelrio
Summary: Lexi Howard is the most precious girl on earth.The problem: Not everyone appreciates that.She tries to cope with her insecurities and anxietyand her love life takes an odd turn.
Relationships: Cassie Howard & Lexi Howard, Rue Bennett/Lexi Howard
Comments: 11
Kudos: 90





	1. Chapter 1

It was night. Lexi was laying in her bed. She crossed her arms under her head and glanced at the ceiling. Once again, she caught herself thinking about Rue. RUE. R-U-E. Just three simple letters but each one of them has a special meaning. 

R is the 18th letter of the alphabet, just like Rue’s age. It could stand for reliable, reflective or rational but with all honesty, Rue isn’t known for any of those things.

U is the 21st letter of the alphabet and was reinstalled in the 14th century. Pretty interesting, right?

E is the 5th letter of the alphabet and is the most common letter in the English language. 

All three letters have a different origin, history and usage but if you combine them, they sound angelic. R-U-E. RUE. Rue. 

Till now, Lexi couldn’t figure out, which characteristics matched with Rue’s name best. 

How many nights did she fantasized about all different kinds of situations which could happen between them? Declarations of love, pajama parties ending in making out with each other or even their first time. But then it hit her. Every single time it hit her.

Rue loves Jules.

And Lexi can’t change anything about that.

Sometimes she got angry about it. A closeted girl who doesn’t even know if she’s gay, bi or whatever sexuality she identifies with, has no power at all. And then the same thoughts started to revolve in her mind, over and over and over again.

“That does not make us fucking best friends.”  
***  
“I think she’s in love with her. I think Rue is in love with Jules.”  
***  
“The whole point of Halloween is to look attractive.”  
***  
Especially the last one was hard to swallow. She’s sure that she will never forget that phrase.

Suddenly a tear started rushing off Lexi’s face. She tried really hard to hold it back but couldn’t help herself and started sobbing so loudly that her sister woke up.  
\----  
Cassie rolled from one side of her bed to the other, while she was pushing her head deeper into the pillow to avoid the annoying noises. She thought her mom was watching TV once again, in the middle of the night. “What the hell is she watching, desperate housewives? It seems like someone has a crying fit.” She thought irritated. But after a while she noticed that it didn’t sound like it was coming from the living room. The big sister instinctively crawled out of bed to turn on the lights. 

Lexi didn’t know what was going on and looked around the tiny room. When her eyes met Cassie’s, she realized that she must have woken her up. 

“What’s going on Lex, are you alright?” said Cassie with a worried tone in her voice.

Lexi tried to cover up her swollen red eyes and her runny nose, so she quickly wiped away her tears.

“Um nothing, I just think that I’ve caught a cold, it’s no big deal, sorry that I woke you up.”

“Don’t be so stupid Lex, I know you’re lying just tell me what’s wrong.”

“Please Cassie, go back to sleep, it’s no big deal and I promise I won’t bother you anymore.” She said while she rolled to the other side of the bed.

Cassie walked down the stairs and took a seat next to her sister.

“You can tell me everything but please just talk to me. And you know that I won’t get back to sleep until you let me know what happened.” Said Cassie while she started to stroke Lexi’s hair affectionately.

Lexi turned around and for the first time, Cassie saw her tearstained face.

“Sometimes it’s just that - I don’t know, how can a girl like me get along in the real world? I mean I-I can’t even handle my everyday life as a teenager.” She was trying so hard not to cry again. “I know that I’ll never be good enough, for anyone, not for mom, not for my friends and especially not for Rue.” 

“But Rue and you are getting along well, aren’t you?” said Cassie confused.

“I don’t know…it’s like when we hang out together it’s nice and fun but then are some days where she just abandons me and acts like I don’t exist..it just hurts so much because I thought we were best friends and there are also these feelings which are messing up my mind.” Lexi started crying and sobbing even louder than before and releases all of her suppressed pain.

Cassie hugs her tightly and lets out one or two tears too.

“Lex, I know that you don’t wanna talk about it but what do you exactly mean with ‘these feelings’ ?”

The little sister swallows and tries to calm down a bit. She wants to wipe off all off her tears, but it seems like her whole face is wet.

Now she can choose. 

Should she tell Cassie about her love for Rue? But that would mean that she comes out of the closet and she doesn’t know if she’s ready for that yet.

Or should she just make up a lie to distract her sister from the truth?

The choice is hers to make.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexi finally opens up about her feelings and Cassie thinks of a way to hook Lexi up with Rue.

Lexi took a deep breath and released the air in a sigh. She’s ready. She wants to be ready. Her whole life was full of lies and she always felt like she belonged nowhere. But it had to stop. Now.

“Okay Cassie...if I’m gonna tell you what I meant with ‘these feelings’, you must promise me, that it stays between us. Alright?”

“I promise.” said Cassie as she frightenedly stared into her little sister’s eyes. She had never seen Lexi speaking so serious before.

What happened next, was a mixture of anxiety and fear but especially: Relief  
\----  
“It all started in the summer camp in 7th grade. Rue and I shared a tent with 3 other girls and every night we played some games before we went to sleep. One night a girl, I think her name was Sarah, suggested that we could play Spin The Bottle. She explained that we could practice kissing with friends first, so that we have experience when we’re kissing boys later. At the beginning it was all nice and fun but when it was my turn, the bottle stopped pointing at Rue. I still remember every detail.” 

She suddenly started crying again but this time there was no sobbing, no loud noises. Just her tears rushing down her face. 

Cassie grabbed her cheeks and wiped away the tears while she kissed her little sister on the forehead whispering “It’s okay. Just continue.”

Lexi noticed that Cassie wasn’t judging her at all, it was the opposite. She felt safe and comfortable, so she decided to continue her story.

“I- I blushed so badly that I could literally feel my cheeks turning into dark red. We came closer and closer and when our lips touched for the first time, it was like finding the last piece of a puzzle, I didn’t know I missed. Back then, the only topic girls talked about were boys. Here boys. There boys. Everywhere boys. It was like their whole lives revolved around boys. I know this sounds super dumb but at that moment I finally realized why I found those girls so annoying. “

She stopped talking for a second and looked down at the blanket. Lexi just came out. She came out of the fucking closet. In the middle of the night. How bizarre is that?

Cassie leaned forward and forced Lexi into a way too tight hug.

“I really don’t know what to say, Lex. I’m so sorry that you had to keep it a secret that you’re a lesbian.”

“Okay wait Cassie, I never said that I’m a lesbian, I could also be bisexual.”

“Um- not even a minute ago you told me a long ass story about liking girls the way you never liked boys. You still think you’re not a lesbian?”

Hm. Lexi has never seen her sexuality from that perspective. Maybe she really is a lesbian. 

“Whatever, it doesn’t matter now, the only thing that matters is that Rue doesn’t return my love for her.” Lexi said with a devastated look on her face.

“But I still have one question. How the hell can you be in love with Rue for nearly 5 years now, without getting any kind of positive reply from her. I mean I can’t even love a boy consistently, although he fucks me every night.” Cassie asked in disbelieve.

“Look, there were some moments where I thought I was over her but then she said something or treated me differently which gave me hope again. And there was also this one time where a boy asked me out and she wanted to teach me how to French kiss. I remember, we were sitting on that sofa and she slowly put her tongue into my mouth, but I felt like she didn’t want it at all, so I interrupted the situation.” Lexi said a bit embarrassed.

“Are you serious?? Why the fuck did you stop kissing her? Oh my god I can’t believe it. This was obviously an invitation for making out with her. I always knew that Rue saw you as more than just a friend. I think the real reason why she’s pushing you away is that she’s scared of her feelings for you. She may not know that she loves you, but I’m pretty sure that she will realize it one day.” 

“No Cassie, please stop lying to me only to make me happy, I have to stop thinking about Rue. She’s with Jules now. She loves her. And as a good friend, I will accept and support her decisions.” 

Lexi knew that Jules was the wrong person for Rue, but she had no other choice than accepting her new relationship. 

“It’s true, Lexi and I will show you that she loves you deep down.” Cassie said, eager to uncover the truth.

“If you say so, Cass.” 

The big sister stood up and kissed Lexi on the cheek, saying “I just want you to know that I’ll love you no matter what. I’m here when you need me. And now go back to sleep, it’s like 3 o’clock in the morning.” 

She went up the stairs and crawled back into her bed. Cassie put the cold blanket over her body and turned to the side while she started to think. She must do something in order to let Rue realize her suppressed feelings for Lexi.

She wants her little sister to be happy. Such an innocent girl who deserves the world, but the only person she wants is a drug addict. That figures.

Suddenly, it came to her mind. She still has those pills in her jacket, which a boy gave to her at a party. Lexi just needs some help to come out of her comfort zone to open up about her feelings for Rue. Even if the help is a tiny blue pill with a snowflake on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was pretty easy to write and I could let my imagination run wild, stay tuned for the next one :)


	3. Chapter 3

Birds were singing, leaves were rustling, and the sun shined directly into the kitchen. “What a beautiful morning.” Cassie thought. She wanted to surprise her little sister with a self-made breakfast and reward her for her brave coming out.

Her idea was to make an omelet with bacon and some freshly squeezed orange juice. She tried to pull out a pan from the kitchen shelf, but it got stuck, so she pulled even harder and suddenly all the pots, jars and pans fell out.

“Holy fuck, Lexi is now for sure awake.” Cassie thought while she hit herself on the thigh. Luckily, her mom wasn’t at home because she would have yelled the shit out of her.

\----

But Lexi didn’t care at all, she didn’t even notice the loud noise at first. She had a bright smile on her face although she didn’t sleep that much, in particular, she roughly spent a maximum of three hours sleeping.

With an unprecedented feeling she quickly stood up and stopped in front of the mirror. Just a sleepy face she thought, but then it hit her. It’s not just a sleepy face, it’s a sleepy face which came out of the closet last night. Thinking about it, she couldn’t help herself but smiled.

\----

***knock* *knock***

Cassie slowly opened the door to see if Lexi was awake, which proved to be true.

“Good morning, Lex. Sorry that I woke you up.” Said Cassie with an apologetic voice.

Lexi frightenedly turned around as she didn’t notice her sister coming in. Hopefully Cassie didn’t see her posing in front of the mirror and making faces.

“Um- good morning, you didn’t wake me up don’t worry, but why are you even awake…I mean it’s like 7 o’clock.” Lexi said as she wanted to cover up the embarrassed look on her face.

“If I’m being honest, I wanted to surprise you with a big breakfast, but I failed at trying to pull out a pan and now all the pots and pans are scattered over the floor.”

Lexi really tried to hold her laughter back, but it just burst out of her.

“Oh my god Cass, I knew that you aren’t destined to become a chef, but this is on another level hahahaha” Cassie couldn’t completely understand what Lexi said because she was laughing so hard.

“Okay, okay it’s enough Lex. I think we should go to a café because otherwise the kitchen will catch fire.” The older sister said as she was getting hungry.

**\---- *Cassie and Lexi sitting in a café eating waffles* ----**

“So, uh- maybe you don’t wanna talk about it but how do feel about what you told me last night?” Cassie said a bit afraid of the answer.

“Honestly..I’m so relieved you can’t even imagine. I would’ve never thought that it feels so good to know there’s someone who accepts you. The REAL you. And I want you to know that I appreciate that a lot.” Lexi said as she was getting emotional. “I love you, Cass.”

“I love you too and because of that I wanna help you get together with Rue.” The big sister said as she took a bite from the waffle.

“Look, I know that you want me to be happy, but Rue has a girlfriend and I have no right to manipulate their relationship.” Lexi was thinking about the Halloween party when she noticed for the first time that Rue really is in love with Jules. She couldn’t leave her alone at the party.

“Lexi, I have an idea, just listen for a second, okay? You could invite Rue to our house tonight under the special occasion of a friendship reunion, because you told me it isn’t working out well lately, right? You could watch a movie or bake something together, just like in pre-school. And I promise that I won’t bother you two. How does that sound for you?”

“I don’t know…she might have other plans for tonight, I don’t wanna be annoying.” Lexi said as she felt her anxiety overwhelming her mind. She quickly took a sip from her way too hot coffee in order to cover up her insecurities which didn’t work.

“You will never know, if you don’t ask her…” the blonde girl said while she was waving at the waiter. “We could also let the destiny decide if you should invite her tonight. If we can see the head side of the coin, you will text her but if we can see the tail side, we will do a sister & sister movie night. If this isn’t a good idea, I really don’t know what is.”

“Alright but let me flip the coin so I can make sure you aren’t using a manipulated coin or anything like that.” Lexi knew that Cassie would dare do that just to get the thing she wants.

Lexi took out a random coin from her wallet and flipped it.

OF. FUCKING. COURSE.

HEAD SIDE.

“Yeeeessss!!” Cassie shouted through the whole café. “The destiny is on your side, Lex!!”

\----

Back at home Lexi instantly ran to her room and jumped onto the bed. “Holy shit, why am I so nervous, I’ve texted Rue millions of times.” She thought annoyed by herself.

_*** “Hi, I just wanted to invite you to a pajama party tonight at my place. I’m sure we would have a fun time.” ***_

Okay wtf, she can’t write that. “Am I 12 years old or why am I writing like that?” she asked herself while she deleted the message.

_*** ”Hey Rue, I just wanted to ask if you would like to come over tonight. If you have other plans it would be alright too.” ***_

That’s definitely better. SEND.

\----

“Have you texted her?” Cassie shouted out of the bathroom while she put on a face mask.

“Yes and I – Oh wait, she answered.” Lexi said surprised by the fact that Rue texted her back so quickly.

_*** “I’ll be there at 8pm. See ya.” ***_

“She said that she’ll be here at 8 o’clock.” Lexi shouted, answering Cassie’s question.

Cassie wasn’t surprised that Rue accepted the invitation. The only thing she thought about now was how to get the tiny pill into Lexi’s body without her noticing it.

\----

The day literally flew by so fast that it was nearly 8 pm. Lexi wanted to impress Rue so she didn’t wear her pajama clothes, instead she dressed casual. She also cleaned up her room and made popcorn in advance, if they would watch a movie.

**\---*door bell rings*---**

“Rue’s here.” Cassie shouted across the living room while Lexi nervously opened the door.

“Hey Lex. Good to see ya.” Rue said as she went in for a hug.

“Good to see you too, come in.” Rue was looking much better than the last time Lexi saw her. Her eye bags were smaller, and she changed her clothes. Even her hair smelled nice.

“Oh, hey Rue. What’s up?” Cassie walked up to her and hugged her too.

“Do you want anything to drink. Juice, water, coffee? Lexi asked kindly.

“I would die for a coffee right now.” Rue said as she laid down on the couch.

Just when Lexi wanted to take the coffee powder out of the shelf, she heard Cassie saying: “Let me do it for you, I will make a coffee for you too, Lex.”

The girl with the curly brown hair walked away forming a “Thank you” with her lips. She sat down next to Rue and they started talking about the Halloween party.

\----

In the meantime, Cassie took out the blue pill and grinded it so long, that there was only powder left. When the coffees were ready, she put the blue powder in one of them and stirred it up.

“Here you go.” She said as she was giving them their cups. “I’ll go upstairs now; I have some work to do.”

“It was nice seeing you, Cassie.” Said Rue while both of them took a sip from the coffee.

“My god, mine has a really bitter taste. I think Cassie forgot that I want sugar in it.” Lexi said a bit disgusted.

“Lex..I wanted to talk to you for a while, because I need to apologize. I know that I wasn’t a good friend and I-“

“Sorry to interrupt, but do you mind if I rest my head on your legs? I suddenly feel so dizzy.” Said Lexi, not knowing what was going on.

“Um no, feel free to do it but is everything alright? You look a bit sick.” Said Rue a bit worried.

“Yeah, I’m fine but it’s really hot in here, isn’t it? Oh my gosh, I’m sweating really badly. I have to take off my hoodie.”

The normal Lexi would have never said anything like that. She would have been so embarrassed that she would have literally want to curl up and die.

“Your hair is really pretty today, Rue. And it smells so nice.” Lexi couldn’t control her words anymore. She also started to stroke Rue’s hair.

“Thanks Lex, I like your hair too. So what I wanted to say was that I’m going to –“

“You know..I also wanted to tell you something for a reaaaaally long time. It’s very important to me.” Lexi said as she was lying on Rue’s lap, stroking her hair and staring her into the eyes.

“What it is? Just tell me, Lex.” Rue said, now with a more worried tone in her voice.

Lexi didn’t say anything for a few seconds and just closed her eyes. She felt so dizzy. But suddenly she opened the lids again and started telling Rue what was on her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At first I didn't want this chapter to be that long, but if you find the flow once, you don't want to stop writing haha. Enjoy Chapter 3!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a long break I decided to continue my story during the quarantine,  
> Leave some comments down below :)

“I have a biiiig secret that you don’t know.” She said while she giggled silently. 

“It’s like..for this veeeery long time I have...” Lexi closed her eyes again and saw all kinds of colors.

“What do you have?” Rue suddenly started to have this weird feeling in her stomach.

“I don’t really know how to expla…”

\---*snoring noise*---

“Lexi?” Rue asked confused. Then she realized that her best friend has fallen asleep, in the middle of a conversation. “What the hell is going on!?” Rue asked herself. This was NOT the normal Lexi she knew. 

She wanted to stand up, grabbed Lexi’s head softly and put it down on the couch again. “– CASSIE? COULD YOU COME TO THE LIVING ROOM FOR A SECOND?” Rue shouted as she was starting to get worried.

“That’s kinda strange.” Cassie asked herself. “Why would Rue want me to come to the living room, she was supposed to have fun with Lexi.” But she followed Rue’s request.

Rue walked around the room with her hands on her head, stumbling some words. She looked like a psycho. “Cass, I think something’s wrong with Lexi.” she said nearly panicking. “She was behaving weird and wanted to talk to me about a thing which was somehow very important to her but fell asleep in the middle of her sentence.”

Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

That was NOT the reaction Cassie wished for. “Okay calm down..Lexi’s fine, she’s just sleeping, but you can’t tell Rue the truth, she will literally kill you.”

“Umm I don’t know..I didn’t notice anything before. She acted normal the whole day.” Cassie wasn’t afraid to lie to Rue because she knew that she was good at it.

“Please Cassie, there must’ve been something that she said or that happened, believe me she was out of her mind.” Rue was so fucking worried and the fact that she couldn’t help her right now made her feel weak and useless.

“I’m sorry Rue, I really don’t know what’s going on, maybe she was just tired and wanted to take a nap.” Cassie said nervously. Although she had so much practice with lying, it was hard for her to do it in a situation like this, where her sister was unconsciou sbecause of her. She already knew that she fucked up but she couldn’t tell Rue about it. She just couldn’t.

“Just tired!? Cassie I’m telling you that she felt dizzy and was talking like a child. Why are you acting like everything’s alright?? She’s your fucking sister.” Rue was getting mad. She just couldn’t understand Cassie’s behavior. “You know what, if you don’t help me, I’ll do it by myself.”  
“Okay, so we sat down on the couch, drank coffee and talked. Wait, that’s it Cass!! Lexi said that her coffee tasted bitter, maybe the powder had expired.” 

“-Um no Rue, I don’t think tha-“

“Let me take a look at the powder.” Rue pushed Cassie aside and searched for the coffee box in every shelf. 

There it is. She took it out and immediately looked on the expiration date. 9th of July 2020. 

“How is that possible..” Rue whispered to herself.

“What does it say?” Cassie’s heart was pounding so loud that even Rue could hear it. 

“9th of July 2020. It hasn’t expired yet.” “But if it wasn’t the coffee, what else made her lose her mind..?” Rue was even more confused than before. She was 100% sure that the coffee made her behave like that. 

“Look Rue, now you have the evidence that you’re just paranoid. Lexi was tired and needed to rest. Just let her sleep a bit and she will be fine. Everything’s alright.” Cassie didn’t want to look suspicious so she tried to calm Rue down.

“NOTHING IS ALRIGHT CASSIE!!!! YOUR FUCKING SISTER IS UNCONSCIOUS AND YOU ACT LIKE A STUPID COW!?!?” Rue was so furious that she hit the coffee box on the countertop, where Cassie grinded the pill before. She saw the leftover of the blue pill powder falling onto the floor.

“What was that?” Rue asked suspiciously. 

“What was what?” Cassie tried to hold back her tears. She fucked up so hard and didn’t know if she could continue lying.

Rue saw the blue powder on the floor and bent down to take a closer look. She touched it with her finger and licked some of it. 

“This is..these are drugs. These are FUCKING DRUGS. WHY THE HELL ARE THERE GRINDED DRUGS ON THE FLOOR CASSIE!?!?!?”

Cassie’s tears started rushing down her cheeks and she couldn’t stop sobbing. “I- I’m so sorry I didn’t want it to be like that. I-I just wanted her to have fun.” 

“WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND!?!!?!?!?!” Rue clenched her fists and couldn’t hold her anger back anymore. “WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING TO LEXI; WHAT HAS SHE DONE TO YOU!?!?” 

Cassie broke down and was now sitting on the floor. Her whole face and shirt were wet from all the tears rushing down. She covered her eyes with her hands and has never felt so ashamed in her life before. “P-p-please Rue, you d-don’t understand it.”

“THEN FUCKING EXPLAIN IT TO ME!!!” Rue was yelling so loudly that you could even hear it from the neighbor’s house. 

“I-I don’t know..I-I just wante—”

“I WANT AN EXPLANATION CASSIE; NOW!!!!!” 

“SHE’S IN LOVE WITH YOU OKAY? AND I WANTED HER TO TELL YOU BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU COULD FEEL THE SAME.” Cassie was crying and sobbing and there was no end in sight.

What. Did. Cassie. Just. Say. 

Rue was standing there speechless, staring into Cassie’s eyes and not believing or processing what she just said.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After some time I decided to write a new chapter, I hope you enjoy it :)

Her heart started to pound uncontrollably, and she nearly forgot to breathe.

“Lexi…is in love..with me?” Rue asked as she pointed at herself. At first she thought it was a joke.

“Yes you dumbass, for almost 5 years now, I can’t believe you didn’t notice anything.” Cassie wiped away her tears and stood up. Now she felt more mad and less depressed. 

Before Rue could actually process any of that, Cassie ordered her to help carrying her little sister to the bathroom. Rue grabbed her arms and Cassie her feet.

“We have to make her puke, it’s the only way we’ll get the drugs out of her body.” The blonde girl said while she was slowly putting Lexi onto the bathroom floor. 

Rue grabbed a pillow and a blanket and put in under Lexi, in order to make her “comfortable”, although she wouldn’t really remember anything of that.

Cassie started to put her finger into Lexi’s mouth while Rue was holding her upper body. The blonde girl felt disgusted on such a high level, but it had to be done otherwise they would’ve been forced to call an ambulance.

“It’s not working Cass.” Rue said nervously, “let me try it, I’ve done this multiple times.”

That’s right, Rue did this multiple times in the past, but no words can describe how she felt when she put her fingers into Lexi’s throat. Her best friend’s body was just motionless, and her eyes were in a state between half closed and half open. Seeing her like that messed with Rue’s mind.

At first Lexi didn’t show any kind of reaction. But Rue continued and she suddenly started to cough. 

“C’mon Lex, c’mon!!” Cassie screamed as she was holding her head over the toilet. 

After some hard coughs she finally started to puke. “Thank god..” the blonde girl said relieved. 

Rue sat down on the floor and leaned on the bathtub. A normal person would probably have washed her fingers, but in that moment she didn’t really care about that. She closed her eyes for a second and thought about what would’ve happened if Lexi had just remained unconscious. This scared her so much that she immediately opened her lids again and helped Cassie holding Lexi up.

The puking continued for the next 10-15 minutes and when Lexi finally stopped, Rue and Cassie laid her down on a carpet in the bathroom. Lexi could hardly open her eyes and when she wanted to look at the others everything around her started to blur. 

“Here take a pillow.” Cassie said as she put it under her sister’s head. “I don’t need it give it to Rue..” Lexi mumbled. The others were relieved that she finally said something but knew that she talked nonsense. 

“Hey Cass, do we have water at home?” Lexi asked pointing directly at her sister. The blonde girl had a quick laugh and answered, “Yes Lex, we have waiter at home.” While she smiled and got up to get a bottle.

In the meantime, Rue was sitting on the floor next to Lexi and stroked her hair carefully. This night was just too much for her. She’d gone through so much crazy stuff but you couldn’t compare it to what happened tonight. She was enormously confused about her feelings towards Lexi and to keep in mind she was still mad at Cassie for what she’d done to her sister. 

“Here you go Lex.” Cassie gave her sister the bottle of water and helped her drinking it. After some time she could open her eyes again completely and she wasn’t feeling so dizzy anymore. “Rue you look amazing tonight I wanted to tell you that before but then I fell asleep…” Lexi said as she was staring straight into Rue’s eyes not realizing what she’s saying because she is still a bit woozy. 

“Thank you Lex, you too.” Rue said while she looked at Cassie giving her a look which said something like “Poor Lexi, she doesn’t know that I’m aware of her feelings towards me.”

Cassie was so ashamed of herself and felt like a completely different person. What did she think would’ve happened if she’d given her sister drugs in her coffee? Yeah see, there’s the problem. She didn’t think. In that moment her mind was just lost or non-existent.

“I think it’s the best if I still stay over tonight so I can take care of Lex and help her get to the bathroom if she needs to puke again.” Rue said to Cassie who nodded. “I think it’s the best for everyone if you stay over because I still have to clean everything up and I couldn’t take care of her by myself. Lexi needs you tonight.” Cassie replied.

“HEyy I don’t need anyone I’m an independent girl..” Lexi yelled while she tried to get up. Rue helped her grabbed her arms so she wouldn’t fall back down. “C’mon Lex I will take you to your room and I’ll help you get ready for bed.”

Half an hour later Cassie was done with cleaning everything up and Rue and Lexi were just going to bed. Cassie opened the door to her’s and Lexi’s room and told Rue that she’d sleep on the couch tonight because she wanted to watch TV before falling asleep. “Okay I’ll tell you if Lexi needs anything.” Rue answered. Somehow, she was nervous to sleep in the same bed as Lexi in an empty room.

“Come here Lex get into your bed, don’t forget to lift up your blanket.” Rue said lovingly. “ I know, I know. I’m not a kid and I’m feeling a lot better now..” Lexi said confidently but it was obvious that she was still a bit dizzy.

Lexi immediately fell asleep but Rue couldn’t close her eyes for just a second. Mainly because she was afraid that something could happen to her best friend without her noticing it but also because she was thinking about her feelings and it felt like a never-ending circle. She looked over at Lexi and thought that she was cute while she was sleeping. And she liked it when she could feel her best friend’s breath on her skin. “AAHHH please stopppp.” Rue thought while she grabbed her hair. She’d never been so confused about her feelings in her entire life.


End file.
